News

We are interrupting this broadcast with a special message
We are interrupting this broadcast with a special message
We are interrupting this broadcast with a special message

Danger we might in the future be attacked by scary, oh so scary stuff 

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This has been a special message from the federal board of emergency message organizations founded, that’s right, by corporations to mindlove you

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Hello
This is Keith
And this is the news

Lol, just in: Is there a chance alien rats at one time coexisted with rabbi rabbits, mated and eventually made there homes in the opium dens of China?

What do you think Keith, I am undecided on this, will you tell me what to think?

Well now Sally, this has long been a mystery, those damn rabbi rabbits are so hard to get a grip on. They jump around a lot. But I feel this could be entirely possible, even if not in our own universe.

Let us imagine a universe where rabbits could, and hell, ill say it, nobody else wanted to, and did coexist with alien rats, once we do this I think we have the answer.

Oh, you are all wise

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Are you unhappy
Feeling down
Does your life suck
Ya work all day
For minimal pay
Your wife leaves you
You find out your now gay

Well, have we got something for you

That’s right wegnnafuyouup

A all new pill recently approved by the FDA, if you are unhappy happiness will be found here

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Hello
I am Keith
I am drinking
And this is the news

Sh$t
You just gotta be fckn kidding me

KEITH! Could you just read the gd TelePrompTer and stfu!

Fock, im really trying here guys, been drinking all day, could you just give me a fckn break?

And yeah, more “news”

Omg, another school backhoe attack, what do you think is leading all of our children to attack our very values, much less murder the innocents with these backhoes?

I couldn’t give you a answer Sally, but, (what was that ted) oh, well I think it is the prevalence of backhoes in our society, ya know, ya dig a foundation with a backhoe and surely the building upon it will be taken down by some backhoe wielding child that can be seen here in this 8×10 picture operating a backhoe at the age of three. 

Ohhh Keith

I think your right

well thank you
I all white
But I wonder sometimes

SOMETIMES

___________________________________      _________________________

Were gonna shoot on over to china now with a special report

And Now To Give You This Special Report

*****DRUMS*****

Jena Johnson

Hello Keith, 

This is Jena Johnson Live, here at  the Great Wall of China. We have assembled a team of the top Scientist and engineers in America, as well as some picked up on a stop over in India to study this wall. Hoping to gain insight on how to build our own.

As you can see in this footage they are studying it right now 

We have on the left, top American scientist Richard Grand

You can see him there with his note pad anxiously jotting down notes and measurements

Next On the right of that Indian guy there

Let me present

Rick from the “Rick and Morty show

He can be seen getting in his spaceship and, what is that in his hand. It appears he has taken an ancient Chinese artifact and is now fleeing. Morty is waving his arms and screaming

Jena, let me interrupt you. I just want to say I am in disbelief
Here at the studio  I am seeing cartoon characters in your footage. You are telling me this is real?

*****Static*****

Why yes Keith, Didn’t you see the ship take off? 
Don’t you watch the Rick and Morty show?

Keith

Keith

Jena
Jena

Im sorry folks

We seemed to have lost our feed

Were gonna take a break now 
So why dont you take one too
Just sit back in that chair
Grab some popcorn
And Enjoy this
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We like you
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We like you
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**************Cut**************

Ok that was good guys, Keith thanks for trying to remain silent.
Jena you did good but you have to remember when your looking at the screen, You are there, you have to convey this to our audience
All and all good work

SCRIBES: Get this cleaned up and put it on the air

Scene: 3.14159265359

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